I’M GOING to have to embrace online grocery shopping. Not because I haven’t time to get to the supermarket, but because I can’t go back to Tesco ever again.
I’ve a long history of embarrassing myself in Tesco. I’ve been caught talking to myself more times than I care to remember. I’ve had to dump a basket of shopping and run due to a Crohn’s attack. And when I was pregnant I got sick into my own hand in the cheese aisle.
They kinda know me in there now. And I like to think they understand.
It had actually been a long time since I’d had an ‘incident’ so I was starting to believe that maybe my slate was being wiped clean and that I could go about my shopping like a normal person.
And then last week happened.
It was a warm day. I was wearing a summery dress with thin straps. All was well with the world.
I popped into Tesco for some milk and bread, moseying around the shop with not a care in the world. Everyone seemed in a good mood, smiling and nodding at me. I was delighted with myself.
And then I looked down.
One of the straps on my dress had snapped and the front of it had flopped down.
Exposing my entire right boob. I was wearing a bra, but it was a sheer one so it was diddy central.
There I was walking proudly around Tesco, one boob covered, the other roaming free, bouncing about. No wonder people were smiling at me.
I think they probably thought it was some sort of fashion statement? Something new the young people are doing these days. Like this*:
Maybe they went home to their families and said ‘Did you know it’s the fashion now to cover one boob and leave the other exposed? Kids today, eh?!’ and they’d all laugh and get on with their day.
Or maybe they went home and told their families about the oul wan wandering around the aisles with her tit out.
*You’ll never be able to unsee that now. Sorry.
WHEN you’re a bit of a fatty, like me, you’re told to stay away from horizontal stripes. They widen you, make you look fatter. Best to wear vertical stripes, or actually stay away from stripes altogether.
Ah fuck that.
I like stripes, they’re fun and summer-y and have a nautical feel and are just nice, so this past week I’ve decided to forget everything I’ve been told about stripes and just bloody wear them.
Luckily for me Mother’s Day and our wedding anniversary coincided so I was due a little splurge.
First up is this Striped Pleated Midi Skirt from F&F at Tesco, which I just fell in love with the moment I saw it. It’s light and swingy and fits like a dream. I teamed it with a plain black t-shirt and a statement necklace. I felt ridiculously good in this skirt, ridiculously good, it’s my new favourite thing.
I then decided that while I was being brave about the stripes, I’d also do something I had never done before – order clothes online.
I’ve never ordered an outfit online before, I’ve always been terrified it wouldn’t fit or wouldn’t look the way it had looked on the website, or would be of poor quality, different material, that kind of thing.
The site promised delivery in five days and on day five, joy of joys, the postman knocked on the door and I nearly dislocated his shoulder snatching the parcel out of his hands.
The trousers are super soft and comfortable and the top is just gorgeous, lightweight, stretchy and … oh just LOOK at it. Look! And more stripes!
I was very impressed with the shoes, they fit perfectly and are really comfortable while the necklace is really pretty. Overall I was so so impressed with the clothes and the service. I will definitely be ordering from them again.
I’ve also fallen in love with stripes and don’t really care if I’m not supposed to wear them. So there!
TODAY’S Keeping Up With The Selfridges challenge involved me standing half naked in my living room rocking The Beast to sleep, praying nobody would knock on the door.
He popped off to sleep grand so I legged it up to get myself dressed and made-up only to be thwarted halfway through when he did the unthinkable – he woke up.
Cue 20 minutes of vigorous rocking and shhhhh-ing as my dressing gown flapped around me before I could get back to my primping. There was also a ‘throwing myself behind the sofa to avoid the postman’ incident. But I persevered and went for a ‘still down with the kids’ librarian look today.
The highlight of today however was receiving an email from a friend, taking part in the challenge, saying that this bit of fun has helped her through a tough week and even encouraged her to meet up with some friends, rather than staying at home. I’m so delighted that people are enjoying this and getting something out of it. I’ve had some health issues recently and combined with terrible weather and the remnants of post natal depression I haven’t been feeling 100 per cent myself. This bit of frivolous fun has really helped.
As always, you can join in on Twitter at #keepingupwiththeselfridges or leave a comment here. Thanks for reading and special thanks to those taking part along with me, so I don’t feel like such a vain bitch!