Gilmore girls

I LOVE the TV show Gilmore Girls so much that when I got married and my husband wanted to buy me a gift to mark the occasion, I asked him for the box set of all seven seasons. He had been thinking jewellery, but I was adamant, no jewel could compare to the Gilmore Girls.

He duly wrapped up the DVDs and handed them over and I started watching them the morning of our wedding and continued throughout our honeymoon.

I am THAT much of a fan.

The story of the fast talking, feisty single Mom Lorelai and her equally fast talking brainy daughter Rory and their life in picture perfect Stars Hollow circa 2000  hooked me right from the start.

I wanted to be Lorelai, I wanted to live in Stars Hollow, I wanted to eat all my meals in Luke’s Diner, it was true love and the only fly in the ointment was that the series was over and there were no more new episodes to devour.

Until this year, when Netflix announced that filming had begun on a new four-part special called A Year in the Life, something every Gilmore Girls fan had been waiting for since the moment the series ended nearly ten years ago.

And then today a teaser was released which genuinely made me jump up and down in my kitchen.

But, you know …

Ever since Netflix announced the new episodes, I’ve been rewatching the old ones and now that I’m watching them as a mother myself and now that I’m older and wiser I’ve noticed some …difficulties with Gilmore Girls. I know, it’s sacrilege, it really is, but I can’t help it. I’m aged now, I’m a Mammy, sometimes I actually enjoy a nice sit down and I do a great line in folding my arms and pursing my lips. It’s a trial, but I can’t help it.

So I present to you my Top Seven ‘That Wouldn’t Happen in My Day’ Guide to the Gilmore Girls:

1: The Food. So as we all know the Gilmores eat nothing but junk food and fast food. They eat every meal either in Luke’s Diner or from a takeaway place. They eschew all fruits and vegetables and survive on pop tarts and twinkies. Yet they remain enviously slim with perfect teeth. Which sends my Mammy radar into overdrive. If they REALLY ate like that and did no exercise chances are they’d be 500lb and would’t have a tooth in their heads. Here I am trying to get five portions of fruit and veg into The Beast every day and there Lorelai is munching on a Twizzler and sending her kid to school with a McDonald’s in her lunch box. IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT LORELAI, OK? Social services would be at your door before you could say ‘braces’. And speaking of braces, do you know how much dental work from all that sugar costs Lorelai, do you? Because I don’t. I’m Irish, of course I don’t know how much US dental work costs, but I’d hazard a guess it’s a LOT. So, you know, cop on to yourself and all your sugar eating.

2. From the moment we’re introduced to Rory, we’re told that she’s wanted to go to Harvard since the age of three. NEEEEE NAAAWWWW – that’s my bullshit-o-meter going off right there. Since she was THREE? Rilly? Like, rilly? I have a three year old. Do you know what he wants to be when he grows up? A train. That’s right, he wants to be Thomas the Tank Engine. So much so that he now introduces himself to other kids in the playground as Thomas, even though that’s not his name. There’s no way no how that Rory Gilmore organically decided at the age of three that she was going to go to Harvard, it’s more likely Lorelai herself introduced the idea, the college equivalent of a Dance Mom. Hankering after Harvard at age three? Me hoop!

3. Speaking of Harvard, in the episode where Rory has her first day at Chilton, Lorelai rocks up in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a tiny t-shirt as all her other clothes are in the dry cleaners. I don’t even know where to begin with this. First of all, she claims she was going to get up early and go to the dry cleaners to pick up the clothes. But then says her alarm was set for 5.45am. Do dry cleaners in small east coast towns open at 5.45am? I’d wager not. So don’t blame the dry cleaners ok, Lorelai? Secondly, are we expected to believe that someone with a full time job, a grown adult, doesn’t have at least a clean (ish) pair of jeans and a plain shirt to put on her back? Or a pair of leggings and a dress even? In other episodes she seems to have plenty of pairs of jeans, plenty of shirts and sweaters. But on THIS day, buttock skimming shorts is the best she can come up with? Come on now Lorelai, get a grip on yourself.

4. We never really find out exact details about Star’s Hollow but it has it’s own school and there are apartments to rent and shops and stuff so we can assume there are a couple of thousand people living there. Yet Lorelai is the only single parent in the town. Which is really strange, seeing as like 50 per cent of marriages in the US end in divorce so you’d think there’d be at least ONE other lone parent knocking around. (And Mrs Kim doesn’t count, cos there’s a Mr Kim somewhere he’s just never sighted) But no, Lorelai is it, the only one who gets any support and praise and adoring glances. Personally I think lone parents are superstars, so come on Stars Hollow throw a ticker tape parade for ALL the lone parents will ya?

5. And on the same subject, Stars Hollow, is Rory the ONLY young person in the town to have achieved anything? Are there not other youngsters there getting on in life? Nobody else went to college? Or left the town to get a job? How come there weren’t any parties for those kids, huh? How come THOSE kids didn’t get town-wide adulation and surprise bon voyage parties? Why is it ONLY Rory? And why does she have no friends her own age? Except for Lane, she only hangs out with 50 year olds. Maybe it’s because she gets all the glory and attention, maybe that’s why all the other Stars Hollow kids hate her, so she’s forced to befriend the town pensioners.

6. Nobody in Star’s Hollow does any housework, or indeed work of any kind. Well, I suppose apart from Luke who does seem to be in that diner from morning til night. And Kirk, who does every job, but who can blame him when the rest of them are lazy bastards. But apart from them, the rest of the townspeople seem to sit  eating in their immaculate houses, or swan around the neighbourhood in the middle of the day, drinking coffee or gossiping  in the street. Like, what does Babette do, for example? Lorelai is supposed to run an inn, allegedly coming down with paying customers yet routinely legs it to have lunch with Rory or I dunno, look pensively at the camera or whatever it is she does and nobody pulls her aside and says ‘Eh, sorry love, but your wages will be docked this week.’ Sooki spends an inordinate amount of time garnishing dishes but never seems to actually cook anything, Christopher is ‘in business’ but we’re never really sure what sort, while Miss Patty stands on the street all day smoking. Just because you smoke it out of a holder doesn’t mean it’s not going to give you cancer one day Miss Patty, ok?

7. Emily Gilmore is the undisputed star of this show and there should be a bridge named after her. Ok, so she’s obsessed with social status, she meddles and interferes she can be rude and brash and abrasive. But let’s be honest, sometimes Lorelai ain’t no walk in the park either. Emily only asks for one dinner a week with her family, is that really too much to ask? Is it THAT hard to simply eat your meal with out the smart comments, eh Lorelai? And would introducing your mother to the man you’re going to marry – who you were only dating for three months by the way, like what is up with THAT? – be the worst thing you could do? You expect Emily to forgive you after you call her Pol Pot in in a magazine interview, but you can’t go one course without the witty repartee, eh? Hmmmm. *folds arms, purses lips*

Still and all despite everything I’ve said above I’ll be counting down the days until the release of the new episodes on November 25. Who’s with me?!

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