WHEN it comes down to it, toddlers are basically stalkers, aren’t they?
Tiny, determined, loud, always in your face stalkers.
I can’t move at the minute without a little shadow following me. Nobody else is good enough, even his Dad, it has to be me.
Mama changes the nappies, delivers the meals, goes for the walks, provides drinks and snacks, peels the grapes, puts the lotion on its skin. Only Mama. Never anyone else. Only Mama.
Experts call it ‘separation anxiety’ or ‘a developmental leap’ or ‘a phase’.
I call it ‘For the love of all that is HOLY, I am TRYING to have a POO! Can you give me one. damn. minute.’
I am never alone. I must always be in his eyeline. If I stray out of his peripheral vision for even a single second it triggers a meltdown that makes Naomi Campbell look like a perfectly rational human being.
Sometimes it’s lovely – when we’re cuddling on the couch reading a book before bed and he’s all content murmuring ‘Mama Mama’ to himself, smiling serenely.
Not so at 3am when he drops his soother, to his absolute outrage, and Mama is the only one who can put it back. Or when I’m paying the girl in Tesco and need to turn my back to enter my PIN number. It’s not so lovely then.
Mammy Dunne had the audacity to look at him yesterday and the response was so ear-splitting that coma patients in the hospital ten miles away woke up muttering ‘keep it bloody down’.
It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m always ‘on’ and there’s an element of walking on eggshells about it too. He gets himself so worked up when he can’t see me, it’s really distressing for both him and me. So for now we soldier on, responding to his needs while repeating ‘it’ll pass it’ll pass’ on a loop.
Still though, on the brightside, at least somebody loves me and thinks I’m lovely.
I met another mother in the playground this week, there with her little boy just a few months older than Seán. I’d seen her there before, but only got the chance to speak to her recently.
‘Your boy is so hendsome, yes?’ she said admiringly.
‘Yes, he is,’ I said puffed up with pride, looking at his peachy skin, shining blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes.
‘He looks like your hesband, yes? He is not like you at all. No. He does not look like you at all. HE is hendsome. Yes,’ she nodded, taking in my scraped back greasy hair, spotty chin and baggy t-shirt.
Thanks, bitch.
So, I might look like the Wreck of the Hesperus but at least my son loves me. Yes?
Emma
Ah Karen, you never fail to make me laugh!! I’m going through that at the minute with a 9 month old, I hope his phase passes before he’s a toddler! I hope it passes because he’s determined little bugger who even now will let nothing stop getting to what he wants – he’s been know to crawl around the house with toys caught underneath him beacuse instead of going around the toy to get where he wants to go, he crawls over it………………………
And yes, he is very hendsome. Don’t mind that ol biddy, bet she was only jealous that you were rocking the no make up look and she had probably applied it with a trowel (I’m just assuming here, don’t stop me if I’m wrong though)
beatingmyselfintoadress
Ha ha! Yes, she was plastered in make up so she was! Oul biddy! S is the same, will not go around something if he can stumble over it, dragging things in his wake. SIGH!
The Clothesline
That has happened me so many times. “Oh your children look like their Dad?”
Fuckers.
beatingmyselfintoadress
I know, right? Pass remarkable biatches!
missgreeneyes83
Oh Karen! You are very hendsome too, never mind her!
beatingmyselfintoadress
Thenk you, thenk you. I loff you long time!
britishblu
Oh this made me chuckle. Nice to know it’s not just my kids who were seemingly obsessed with me when they were little. My youngest is 4 now, and I thought I was going to cry with happiness when he finally agreed to someone other than me putting him to bed. Now, I’m slightly miffed he if he doesn’t ask for me. My poor kids can’t win….
I was constantly being told my eldest looked JUST like me. Unfortunately I was forever getting complimented on what a “handsome young man” I had; and she was (and still is!) very much a girl. Can’t say I was particularly flattered by their remarks!
beatingmyselfintoadress
Awwwww! I used to get that with Seán too when he was a few months old as he really is quite a ‘pretty’ boy, lots of people saying ‘ah lovely girl!’
a modern mommys world
Love it