All the gossip

Here are five things that have annoyed me this week. Feel free to add your own!

1. People who don’t know the meaning of the words ‘single file’. They walk so closely passing you by that they’re practically rubbing up against your full length. Get off me, you perverts. I’m talking to you, ignorant bastards at the Zoo. You’re not the only ones in the world, watch where you’re going!

2. On a related note, people who stand in the middle of the aisle in the supermarket so that you can neither pass in front of them or behind them. Blithely they ignore you as you bellow ‘excuse me, sorry’ on a loop. If you hear on the news about a woman in North Kildare who went postal in a supermarket, that’ll be me.

3. The woman on the ad for Hot Press on the radio. It’s the way she says it ‘Hat Prass’ in a smug, self satisfied tone. I want to beat her to death with her own shoe.

4. Avocados. One minute they’re rock hard, the next flies are buzzing round them. There’s a window of about 54 seconds where they’re perfect to eat, but if you miss that window, that’s your lot. See also: pears.

5. Vague-booking/sub-Tweeting on Facebook or Twitter. Stop that. Not because it’s rude, but because I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT! I need to know all your business and your gossip, so no more of it please, just tell me all the gossip.