See ya now!
SOMETIMES I don’t think I’m like other mothers.
It’s the start of the long Bank Holiday weekend here in Ireland today and I’m looking forward to it greatly.
Not because I’m going anywhere or have any great plans for a barbecue (an Irish one, under an umbrella in the pissing rain, obvs) or am jetting off on holidays.
But because the baby is going on HIS holidays. For three glorious days and two glorious nights. Without me.
I’m literally almost sick with excitement.
He’s being brought down to Wexford by his Nana and Gaga from Sunday until Tuesday night and I’m not going with him.
I’m staying at home. In the silence. With my book. And my laptop. And my HOT cup of coffee and MY programmes on the TV. Three days with no Bala-fucking-mory. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.
(Here though, while we’re on the subject. What IS the story in Balamory? How come they’re all single yet can afford big massive houses? How does Josie Jump make a living? Or Archie for that matter? There’s something amiss about that place, I’m telling you.)
Anyway, so yes, The Beast is off on his holliers and I can’t wait. And I can’t help but wonder (Carrie Bradshaw reference) if that makes me the worst mother in the world?
I’ll miss him, of course. I adore him, of course. But I need the break.
More than that though, I WANT the break. That’s the crucial difference, I think, between me and other Mams that I talk to. They all agree that a break is necessary but many of them don’t look forward to one.
If they go out for a night they say things like ‘Oh I suppose I’ll enjoy it when I get there’, whereas I’m almost psychotic with excitement at even the THOUGHT of a night off.
Other Mams rush home from a day at the shops to gather up their little ones, whereas I dawdle.
Other Mams curse traffic jams if it makes them a little late picking up the baby from Granny’s house – I relish the extra few minutes of peace.
Reading back over that, I sound like a monster.
I’m not really, I swear. Well, ok, I am probably a BIT of a bitch, but I do actually love my son. Truly.
I just find motherhood to be very full on. You’re always on. It really is a 24-hour day when you’re a mother. And sometimes I get a bit touched out. And I just need to clock off.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing out, when I wave my son off without a backward glance. I wonder if I SHOULD feel something more, miss him more, think about him more, be more like the other mothers. Sometimes I wonder if I really AM a bad mother. Perhaps I am.
But then other times I think that maybe I’m not so bad and that enjoying the break, as opposed to just tolerating it, isn’t the worst thing in the world. And I wonder if perhaps, sneakily, all those other mothers wish they could be a little bit more like me.
Minus the fat arse though, naturally.
Beating Myself Into a Dress 
simplyhomemadenic
Oh my god I am normal, 5 of them, 5 and I wish to Christ someone would take them AWAY from Wexford for three nights! (Or me, I could go either, not fussed!)
beatingmyselfintoadress
FIVE of them?! You are a GOD! Jesus you deserve a MONTHS holiday!
Mummypupper
Karen…..listen to an elder lemon….I felt the same as you when mine were little…..I literally would given them to anyone(within reason)just for a few minutes peace.I felt like the worst mother ever.Other mothers would tell me that they COULDN’T leave their children with anyone,they would miss them too much…..they are,for the most part,lying!!!I wish I realised that at the time….don’t make my mistake.Himself and I went for a night away once and the next morning I BEGGED my poor mother to keep them for a second night….now that’s bad!!I was,like you,a fulltime sahm…it’s very,very,very hard….you need a break.You need to eat all the chocolate,drink,all the wine,read all the hello magazines and watch all the tv…..and of course,sleep all the sleep….do not feel guilty….enjoy!! 🙂
beatingmyselfintoadress
Hahaha! Do you think they’re lying? You could be right! Eating all the chocolate and reading all the magazines so DEFFO on the agenda. Thank you! I shall indeed listen to the elder lemon and will gladly take any more advice you have to give!
Cindy Tiernan
I discovered that I just need a few wee hours to recharge my batteries so that I can “love them even more than I do”. But you are not alone, its entirely normal. I love my kids dearly and I am THE mama Lion when it comes to my cubs, but dammnit, even a lioness gets a night off to hunt.
beatingmyselfintoadress
Ha ha! Very true! I’ll be doing some hunting this weekend!
Breeda
Well I used to lock myself into the kitchen with my once weekly bar of chocolate so that I wouldn’t have to share with my (at the time 3) children – 8 squares – 3 = 5 does not compute – I often opened the door and stepped over my Cling on daughter where she had fallen asleep – (she NEVER left me alone – she wouldn’t even stay with her father) so you’re very normal –
Me? I may have some issues!!! But she was never left with anyone – not by choice – we never got the chance to go anywhere – so when the next one came along I handed her to everyone – it’s does the child no favours not to have them
Interacting with people –
That’s my tuppence worth – enjoy the break and don’t feel guilty
B x
beatingmyselfintoadress
I can just imagine you locking yourself in the kitchen! I would too where chocolate is concerned! I will enjoy the break, thanks for reading!
Bumbles of Rice
You’re 110% normal, Normal, normal, normal. I love the kids etc etc but I do miss the quiet time, the headspace and the selfish, do what I want to do time. I miss it a lot. That does not a bad mammy make, but a normal one. Have a fantastic weekend!
beatingmyselfintoadress
Thank you! I will!
tric
I love my gang and have always loved being with them, but when they were small getting away was akin to waiting for Santa as a child. Even though mine are well grown up now, I still love getting away for a night or two. You are very normal.
I know women who have teenagers and they say to me semi proudly “I’ve never left my children”. I think they think I’m impressed when really I’m saying to myself “God I think there’s something wrong with you”.
Avalon
A-freakin-men sista. Thank you. A thousand times.
londubheile
I’m on the other end of it, right now should be packing up for a week long holiday in Kerry with a two year old and a nine month old, do you think the hubbie would notice if I didn’t pack myself??
mamacourage.ie
Young children are wonderful. They’re also a 24/7 sleep depriving assault on your senses. Enjoy your break, minus the maternal guilt!
mirvawalsh
Oh I’m the same! I have no problem enjoying my time off. I felt worse though when I was working (I did still enjoy it, but there was a bang of guilt somewhere in there..), but now that I’m home with them all the time… no guilty feelings whatsoever!
Aedin
So normal!I am the exact same!hope you’re enjoying your weekend to yourself-hot coffee and a bit of silence-sounds like bliss!
Sandra
Oh I hear ya. Ours is off for a few nights with his granny as well. I miss him but I am really enjoying being able to do what I want when I want, like eating and going to the loo without him yelling the place down. To square it with my guilt (what is it with the poxy guilt?!) I tell myself he’s in training – training for when we come home to Ireland and he’s handed round my family and friends! Have a lovely break missus
Sharon (BehindGreenEyes)
I don’t get the guilt leaving them. I genuinely don’t. I know they’re safe on the odd time we leave them with one of the Godmothers, and I also dawdle. I love them to pieces but good god, I am like a Nazi when they go to bed, if there were a machine to read the decibels of breath I’d have one. Once they’re in bed at night, that’s my time, and WOE betide you if you waken them. WOE BETIDE YOU.