A LOT has happened since I posted here last, some good, some bad. In April of this year I had a beautiful baby boy, Seán. The post below details my experience of birth and post natal depression. It has been really cathartic for me to write this and I welcome your comments.
WHEN my son was four weeks old I unexpectedly had to go into hospital with acute pancreatitis. A gall stone had become caught in a bile duct causing inflammation of the pancreas along with excruciating stomach pain.
I spent almost a week in hospital so, to allow my husband to continue working, my lovely inlaws took care of our son both during the day and overnight. When I was released they offered to hold on to him for a couple of more days, over the weekend, to allow me to recover and catch up on some sleep. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, just to get us over that emergency period.
By the time the weekend was over however, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to take my baby back, I wasn’t going to be able to care for him – the baby blues that had been bubbling for a time had developed into full-blown crippling post natal depression.
I didn’t ever want to be alone with my son, I knew I couldn’t be. At times I could barely look at him. I felt scared and alone and overwhelmed, I felt like I had made the worst mistake of my life.
I cried while changing his nappy, while feeding him, while holding him. I cried while cooking dinner; while eating; on the sofa cradled by my worried husband; secretly in the bathroom; even one day while walking around Tesco.
I made the decision that I needed a total break so my husband and I asked his parents to mind our son almost full time for a few weeks, while I started on the medication my very supportive GP had prescribed. I saw the baby every day but was rarely alone with him. My parents-in-law were there in the mornings, my mother arrived in the afternoon and my husband was there in the evenings. Every night I packed him up and sent him off to his Nana’s house, waving him off with a sense of relief mixed with shame that I didn’t have to deal with him again until the next day.
I felt like the worst mother in the world, but I couldn’t help myself, I simply could not cope with everything that had happened to me starting with his birth – flashbacks of what I went through and how I was treated and belittled began to needle at me every day and contributed in no small way to how horrendous I felt.
I had a brutal, horrifying failed induction culminating in an emergency c-section. I was induced because of a medical complication and the c-section happened because the baby got into difficulty so I knew these things were necessary but nothing could have prepared me for how barbaric the whole thing was and how terrified and vulnerable I would feel.
I felt violated by the induction process, particularly when my waters were artificially broken, which was excruciating. I was left to walk the corridors and told to have a shower to control my contractions which began immediately after this procedure. They began thick and fast, no more than two minutes apart leaving me bent double with pain. Yet time and time again I was told I wasn’t in labour yet, that I’d just have to wait it out. I spent a long night sobbing in the shower, throwing up with the force of my contractions and getting no relief or respite from pain whatsoever.
By the next morning the contractions were so bad I was moved to a delivery suite, begging for an epidural, only to be told I still wasn’t in labour, that I hadn’t progressed at all. As I gasped and moaned my way through another contraction I turned to my equally terrified and shocked husband and desperately said “I can’t do this, I can’t” only to hear the midwife in charge of my delivery tut and mutter “Oh come on now” under her breath.
I was in her care for several hours and she didn’t smile at me once, she didn’t hold my hand, offer a pat on the shoulder or any words of encouragement at all. I was heavily monitored so she was busy with machines, drips and catheters, bustling around filling in charts, almost as if I wasn’t in the room. I did eventually get the epidural and it helped somewhat with the pain and allowed me to take a breath, but I couldn’t relax, the midwife’s patent disapproval hung heavy on the room. I felt like I had done something wrong by not being able to handle the pain and kept apologising to her for the trouble, which seemed to annoy her more. Looking back I can’t believe I apologised for being in pain during labour, but she was so ice cold towards me I felt I had to.
I had expected the day I gave birth to be an emotionally charged one, whatever happened – a few weeks before, my wonderful Dad had died quite suddenly from lung cancer and he was to the forefront of my mind that day – but I hadn’t expected to be made to feel like a burden, like I was unimportant and like I didn’t matter.
When the doctor announced that the baby was in distress and that I would need a c-section, I felt almost elated that I would finally be away from this horrible woman. What I didn’t realise was that the midwife in charge of your case comes to theatre with you in a situation like this. While she didn’t have anything to do with me directly during the birth, I hate that she, with all her negativity, was in the room at all. I hate that she saw my son before I did, that she touched him before I did. She treated me coldly and dispassionately and she didn’t deserve to be there. At the time I was only concerned with getting my son born safely and his first cry was like the sweetest music, but afterwards I felt so disappointed with the whole thing.
My post birth experience wasn’t much better. Staff were lovely on the ward but were woefully understaffed and I was left, mostly, to my own devices. The morning after my surgery I was brought to a shower at 6am, trailing my drip and my catheter, bleeding heavily and then abandoned. The nurse was called for something and never returned, so I painfully managed to get myself and my equipment in the shower, washed and then somehow struggled into my clothes and back to my cubicle. I’m not quite sure how I did it as I was almost completely incapacitated but it was either survive or pass out naked on the bathroom floor.
I have no doubt that my negative birth experience contributed hugely to my post natal depression. I was probably going to end up with a c-section anyway, the odds weren’t in my favour, but the whole thing could have been handled more sensitively with more kindness. I could have been made to feel I was Wonder Woman for going through so much and eventually birthing my son safely, no matter which way he came out, but instead I was tutted at, belittled and made to feel about an inch tall.
I missed so much during those dark days of depression, so much of the tiny newborn stage, I even missed my son’s first real proper grin. I have a photo of it, but I wasn’t there in person as I simply couldn’t be. It breaks my heart.
There is a happy ending to this story though. With the medication and all the support from my GP, my husband, my in-laws, my mother, friends and family I am better. Much, much better. My son is now back at home with us full-time, I love caring for him, his beautiful smile and chubby cheeks light up my world every single day. I feel strong and in control, I feel, finally, like I’m on my way to being a good mother. It’s an amazing experience and I wake up each morning excited for what the day may bring.
I am not yet fully healed, but I’m getting there. Thank you for reading.
auntyamo
July 17, 2013 at 13:02
Unbelievable story Karen. I’m so sorry you had such a rough time.
But delighted you’re on the road back to full health. He is a darling and a dote 😉 xx Love to you all.
Claire
July 17, 2013 at 13:10
Karen,
Your post is so heartbreaking to read and I felt for you every word of it. I am disgusted at how you were treated whilst in hospital, a midwife is not justthere for medical there they are supposed to provide holistic care and a midwife especially in my opinon should be supportive and not judge any woman on how they personally cope with labor.
Obviously we are all aware of the cutbacks and staff shortages in hospitals but this in my mind does not excuse your treatment, The midwife looking after your delivery needs to get out of the hospital if she cannot respect that somebody finds labor tough + painful and wants an epidural, ridiculous carry on!
I am so so thrilled that you are feeling better enough in yourself to be able to have Sean home with you full time. It must have been so hard and scary to have gone through what you have gone through and I am sure continue to go through.
He is a lucky baby to have a mammy like you and I hope everything continues getting better for you.
sporadicjournal
July 17, 2013 at 13:13
Karen, I had no idea what a horrible experience you had giving birth. it just sounds totally inhumane. You poor thing. I can’t imagine why someone like that would even work as a midwife? What the hell was she doing there, I just can’t understand people like that who choose to work in such jobs where support, compassion and sympathy are needed most. Your post natal depression sounds like the worst kind of hell. I have never heard it being described with such honesty. It sounds really scary. Looking at snaps of you on FB I’d never had guessed you went through such trauma. I am sharing this status on FB because I think every man and woman should read about your experience and get some idea of what post natal depression can do to a person. And to try and understand people suffering with depression and why and how they act the way they do. You’re so brave. I’m still in shock after reading this… I never would have guessed you went through all of this. Hugs going your way. Glad to see that their is light at the end of the tunnel. x x x Hazel.
Rosie
July 17, 2013 at 13:13
You’re a f*cking champion, Karen, strong and brave and honest. Give yourself a hug from me.
Caítríona Redmond
July 17, 2013 at 13:19
I have no doubt that it has taken much courage and strength to write that post. You are amazing. Well done. x
Dara Harris
July 17, 2013 at 13:23
So sorry to hear that you had such a traumatic time . Glad to hear you are feeling better. How awful to find yourself at the mercy of uncaring and insensitive people at a time of insecurity and vulnerability for you as a first time mother to be…..it would be perfectly understandable for you to feel ‘cheated’ out of what is supposed to be the happiest event in a couples life. I feel that there are many mams and dads who faced similar experience and haven’t verbalised it perhaps because they don’t wish to sound ungrateful or don’t want to spoil the moment their little miracle entered the world…..to any other new parent I would say …talk about your negative experiences too ….. To those people in a position of caring in our labour/maternity units ….. Please be aware and think about your attitude…..it can have far reaching consequences ….
Jenni
July 17, 2013 at 13:35
In tears after reading that. I am so glad that you are on the mend again. I’m so angry with that midwife for treating you that way, how DARE she. I hope you have managed to speak to someone about your experiences so you can put them behind you and move onwards and upwards. Sean is a gorgeous little man and I have no doubt that you are a fantastic mother. Thanks for sharing x
Có
July 17, 2013 at 13:43
Karen what a fantastic post, you are very brave to write it and he is a lucky lil man to have such a strong mammy like you. I can not believe that you were treated this way by a midwife, that is disgusting. I wish you all the happiness in the world x
Claire
July 17, 2013 at 13:46
You’re such a hero for posting your story and a true inspiration for realising your need to get help, and also your family for supporting you through it. I have also just recently had a little boy and my heart breaks for you at your horrible labour and landing in hospital so soon after the birth. You should be so proud that you put your little man first an looked after yourself so that you could better look after him. Walk tall and proud!
Elaine
July 17, 2013 at 13:57
Karen you are such a brave woman! Your story has me in tears at my office desk. Your treatment was absolutley awful in the hospital, I am so sorry that it impacted you so deeply. As a previous comment said people in positions like this in hospitals and healthcare should be aware of their attitude and this wagon seriously needs a swift kick on the arse!
You are so strong for sharing your experiences with us, thank you so much. And you are a fantastic Mum, you provided for your beautiful baby boy the best you could and were strong enough to admit that you needed help. I really hope that if similar happened to me that i would have a fraction of your courage and strength.YOU ARE A GREAT MUM! Glad to hear your are all doing so well! Wishing you all the very best x
Clionadh
July 17, 2013 at 14:02
Karen,
You are such a wonderful person. To be able to survive that awful treatment is a massive achievement in itself, never mind the huge accomplishment that is giving birth. You had a really tough time of it and you absolutely should not have been treated like that by that midwife. (I really hope for your healing process that you can find the strength to make a formal complaint about your treatment.)
And thank you for being so honest about your PND. So many women keep it a secret which makes it harder to recognise the signs when they do appear. The fact that you recognised that you couldn’t be around your baby at the time shows your survival instinct and well as your deep rooted protection of your son. Yes it was self preservation for you, but you also made sure he had the best care that he could during that time when you knew you couldn’t provide it yourself.
I’m so glad you have such a great support system around you.
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience. xx
pixbyshumbles
July 17, 2013 at 14:02
Karen, I had no idea all this was going on for you. What sort of person makes a woman feel so lousy about herself that she has to take precious gulps of air when in prolonged excruciating pain to apologise for her own discomfort? This is a person, a professional whose job it is to help in this difficult and emotional time, not belittle. I’m gobsmacked.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that awfulness both during and after your son’s arrival. But I am delighted to see that you’re back on your feet, feeling stronger and enjoying your little boy.
Donna
July 17, 2013 at 14:15
Actually cried reading this Karen, thank you so much for sharing this as I know it’s not easy to be so open about such a personal subject.
I actually feel let down by the hospital for you, a little compassion would of cost that ghastly midwife nothing. I hope when my time comes (in approx 20 weeks) that the midwife won’t be from the dark ages and ill have the positive labour and birth that I’m hoping for.
But I wanna thank you for sharing a negative labour and birth story, it does us no harm to know that it’s not all a walk in the park.
Sean is a little cutie, and I always look forward to the pics you put up on twitter of him. He melts my stone heart!
Jaysus, who’s rambling now?!
MrsSunflower
July 17, 2013 at 14:21
Karen what an emotional story. I too had PND after a failed induction and an emergency c-section. I however had a different spin on how I felt. I felt my baby was someone elses and every day I waited for her mother to knock my door and pick her up. I would have gladly handed her over. She was the perfect baby in every way, slept and fed like a textbook would expect. She was never in any danger. I just felt I was babysitting her like I did with babies my whole life.
Had I known at the time what I was feeling I would have got proper care but I didn’t tell anyone until she was over 6 months old. I sometimes felt I was outside my living room window watching my life. I had no emotions.
Thankfully like you with the help of meds, counselling, friends, and posting my story on a shared forum I got through it.
I just wish the stigma that goes with PND wasn’t there and the help was given to more mothers. As I am totally convinced more mothers have this and are afraid or embarrassed to say.
My daughter will be my only child. I love her, and I never want to go back to those dark days again. My husband doesn’t want to lose me to those days either.
I hope you stories reaches other woman and they get the help early and see that it does go away.
xxx
MrsSunflower
Catherine
July 17, 2013 at 14:30
You’re a brave and brilliant woman for tackling all of this and writing about it so eloquently. I’m so sorry you went through such a rotten time. Seán is a happy and healthy looking little fella – he’s a credit to you.
Jill
July 17, 2013 at 14:39
Thank you so much for posting this. It’s a brutally honest account. I’m dumbfounded by what you went through, though none of it is completely shocking. I’m so glad you had a supportive, non-judgemental network to get you through. Your son will be all the better for all the loving arms that held him through this. You seem pretty together now, I hope you continue to be. When you’re ready and when you have time, it’d be great if you’d contact AIMS Ireland and also arrange to meet the master of the hospital to discuss your treatment.
Your strength shines. xxx
beatingmyselfintoadress
July 17, 2013 at 15:05
Thanks so much everyone, I have to pop out for the afternoon but I will reply to all your comments later this evening. Thanks again!
Jacquie.
July 17, 2013 at 15:39
Karen, only I know you were in a different hospital I’d swear we had the same midwife. I had the exact same treatment in the Rotunda, to the point I was repeatedly refused an epidural or even an internal up to 5 hours after being on the induction drip. It wasn’t until another midwife asked did I not want an epidural as I was in a lot of pain that I got one, and then it failed twice.
I’m disgusted you were treated like this, but I also am thankful someone else has voiced their experience, I felt like I was being a drama queen, my midwife made me feel so useless. All in all my experience during my delivery especially with that 1 particular midwife has essentially put me off having any more children. She did not seem to have any consideration that as first time parents we were looking to her for answers, we were already fearful due to the circumstances in which I was induced, but we never felt reassured or confident in her care. The thoughts of going through that scenario again terrifies me. I’ve never felt so sidelined, disregarded and ignored in a situation, especially when it concerned my own body.
After I had N, I was left for nearly 2 hours bleeding waiting to be stitched in stirrups the whole time, while midwives came in and out. My blood loss was only documented up to the time I gave birth, so I bled for nearly 2 hours and noone thought to check my iron levels afterwards. So much so my BP which had been so high I was on medication dropped to 80/60, but still noone did anything.
I felt useless as a mother, as a woman afterwards, I felt that I’d failed at the one thing that should come natural to me (breastfeeding was also out due to N’s complications, but I expressed for 17 weeks.)
The only way I can describe how I felt for months afterwards, was that I was slowly drowning, only staying afloat by furiously dog paddling through everything. I felt like if I stopped and thought everything would fall apart.
The depression scale asks if you cry once a month, once a week, occasionally? I considered a good day as one where I cried once.
I think your so brave for sharing your story, and as well as asking for help, I wish I had shouted a little louder for help.
Jacquie.
July 17, 2013 at 15:44
Sorry forgot to add, I finally sent a letter of complaint to the Rotunda, there were numerous issues, clinical and personal that I couldn’t ignore. I only sent it 10 months after Nathan was born, because to put down on paper what happened just sent a wave of panic over me everytime I thought about it. I got a reply yesterday, because my complaint is essentially questioning clinical decisions it is not covered under the patient care act, but they will review it and come back to me within a month. Laughable.
Lynnie
July 17, 2013 at 16:04
Karen, I think it’s really brave of you to write so honestly about your experience. Maybe it’s just me but it feels like difficult or downright traumatic births and PND have weirdly become taboo subjects again while “perfect” new mothers are being fetishised. I think sharing stories like yours is incredibly helpful in letting other women know they’re not alone and hopefully encouraging them to seek support.
And I am SO GODDAMN ANGRY with that midwife on your behalf. I hope that you do go ahead with that formal complaint when you’re ready; it might be cathartic for you and hopefully will provoke an attitude adjustment on the receiving end.
I’m delighted that you’re doing so much better now x
LoNiCo
July 17, 2013 at 16:47
Karen,
oh my goodness I’m in tears at my desk reading this. I’m so sorry that you were treated this way. There is absolutely no excuse for that kind of behaviour. You are so strong and brave to come through this all.
I said it on twitter last night but I really think you should write to the master of the hospital and describe what happened to you no master wants that happening in their maternity hospital. Make sure that you send it registered post and ask for a response on return of post.
It is fantastic that you have written this post as I feel that PND isn’t discussed enough or understood. Ray D’arcy actually did a piece recently I’m sure their is a podcast of it.
It sounds like you have a wonderful family around you. I always look forward to see your smiling little boy on twitter.
I wish only the best you, your wee boy and all your family.
Take care of yourself,
Lorna
Gwen Cooke
July 17, 2013 at 20:18
Karen,
What a horrible, horrible experience. I too had post natal depression and it was similar to what you described. I didn’t get help until my son was 8 months old. I had no family support or help. It was a very dark time. Like you, once I started medication I quickly improved. I remained on medication for a year. I would strongly urge you to write to the hospital and to the midwife. Mail (registered) the letter to the hospital and have someone hand deliver the letter to the midwife. They both need to be made aware of the damage they’ve caused. Your gift is writing. Use it so other women don’t have to endure what you’ve endured.
I know I live overseas and things are done a little differently here but if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future ask for someone else. I’ve done it. Don’t be afraid to be your own advocate.
I’m so glad you are coming out the other side.
Gwen
Ann
July 17, 2013 at 21:57
Just want to say I’m so sorry to read your son’s birth story and how it was a horrible experience for you. You are so so brave to have dealt with it all and now telling the world what happened to you.
Mind yourself!
Naomi
July 17, 2013 at 22:00
Karen I had no idea you went through all that, i am devastated for your struggle and pain, and delighted you made it through the other side. I really think you should register an official complaint that weapon if a midwife, you mentioned to me before that she didnt do anything medically wrong, I disagree! Your mental health is just as important as your physical health and she blatantly had no regard for your mental health at all!
I think you showed amazing strength and courage in realizing and admitting you needed help and support. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and family. I really admire you, and thank you for sharing your story with us. Sean is an absolute dote and a lucky little lad to have a mammy who loves him and cares for him wity every breath.x
clareknolan
July 17, 2013 at 22:13
Oh my god you are an inspiration to all women, especially those with PND, I have no doubt this will give others the strength to speak up & ask for help.
X
Kat (dollyrouge.ie)
July 18, 2013 at 00:34
Karen, my heart bleeds for you having to go through such a trauma at a time which should be so happy.
Normal post birth hormonal changes alone are enough to cause postnatal depression. There is no doubt in my mind that the physical and psychological trauma you experienced thanks to that woman’s “care” tipped you over the edge and caused your PND which might otherwise have been avoided.
If we were in the US, you could pursue that woman in court for damages. But then again it probably wouldn’t have happened in such a litigious country.
First and foremost, look after yourself and your gorgeous little man. If you feel up to it, and it’s right for you, we’d all love to see you lodge a formal complaint against that woman. Would you maybe think of just sending a link to this post to yoursay@hse.ie? All in good time and when you’re ready.
Huge congrats on the birth of your handsome baby boy. I’ve never even met you, but I’m so proud of you for being so strong through such adversity, and then highlighting the issue of PND which needs to be talked about in this country. You’re some woman.
All the best xxx
A Cookbook Collection
July 18, 2013 at 10:22
Karen
I had no idea what a traumatic few months you have had, my blood is boiling at the treatment you got from that midwife! I followed your tweets when you were back in hospital and you seemed to have such humour throughout a horrible experience. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. You are so brave to share your story in such an eloquent way. Speaking out in this way may help others who are going through PND.
I hope you continue to get such love and support from your family as needed.
Congratulations on the birth of your gorgeous little boy x
Donna
Susan
July 19, 2013 at 08:53
This is such an honest & well written piece. I went through something very similar in January of this year on the birth of my baby boy. My phn adviced me to report my treatment to hospital management. I didn’t for various reasons. Mainly the hassle & the idea that somehow my healthy baby made up for all the trauma which in ways he did how ever it is professional misconduct. Like you, I was belittled, tutted at, told I was not in labour & given no pain relief. I still get flashbacks of walking the corridor of the hospital & getting the urge to push (with members of the public looking on) and the midwife telling me that I needed to man up, that I had a long road in front of me. Anything up to 20 hours. My son was born about 90 minutes after that. Like you it was my first labour. When my son was born the first thing I said to my husband is I love my son, I am grateful but never again. It angers me now that someone had to go through this again.
Sending you all the love in the world Karen.
Susan & baby Noah. X
Eva
July 19, 2013 at 09:15
Karen, you’re a brave woman for writing this.
PND is so common yet it’s not talked about enough. New motherhood is expected to be wonderful when for one in five women, yes one in five, it’s anything but.
Unfortunately I have a lot of experience with PND. I didn’t have a traumatic birth or a bereavement during pregnancy, which just goes to show it can happen to ANYONE. I didn’t get help until my daughter was 4 months old, by which time I was in a very bad way. I was hospitalised for a time because I was suicidal. It took 18 months for me to begin to feel normal. I will never have another baby because I cannot risk it happening again. It was like living in hell.
I subsequently lost the career I had been working towards because my employers were not understanding. Despite the recent bluster and publicity, mental illness is still very much a taboo.
Since it happened I have met and spoken with many women with similar experiences. PND needs to be talked about because it is very real.
It’s great to see you are well and on the road to recovery. Getting help fast is the best thing anyone can do, the faster you get help the quicker you recover.
You have a brilliant support network which is so important. Too many mothers try to do it all on their own, be the perfect mother, and that’s a recipe for disaster.
Helen
July 19, 2013 at 19:40
Hi Karen
Your post was so real and honest thank you for sharing it. It was a disgrace how you were treated at a time that you were vulnerable and should have been given lots of support. I can identify with a lot of your story as I am being treated for (very mild) pnd. I had some very similar thought processes to what you describe yourself until I got some help. It was only really then that I could enjoy my baby properly and I felt I had missed out on the enjoyment of some of her first weeks. And I had a lovely birth that went exactly as I had planned, so I can imagine having that on top of those dreadful feelings. How dare that midwife treat you like that. I’m so glad things are getting better for you now and all the best to your little family
Helen
Private name!
July 19, 2013 at 21:15
Karen
I am so glad you shared your story, so sorry you went through what you did. Your son is a very lucky boy, he has a great mother, and father, loving grandparents. Your PND is a bump in the road. It may come against you again though, and i don’t mean to be harsh saying that, just making you aware. I suffer with depression, due to undiagnosed/ignored PND years ago. I eventually got help but stupidly stopped medication too soon. Years passed, and i had a very troubled mental state. It was only after meeting my now husband i found the courage to admit my problems. I am on medication and have no real intention of stopping. I get low days but i go with them, i admit them, i seek help. I hope you seek help if you ever need it again, you deserve all the happiness in the world!
Ciara
July 20, 2013 at 12:06
I don’t know you but what an amazingly brave woman you are, your son is very lucky to have such a wonderful mom. I’m sorry you had such an horrific labour. x
LizaMinnelli
July 20, 2013 at 18:09
Hi SmileyKaz, I was wondering where you were on WOL, I simply assumed you were busy with your new baby (what a cutie by the way, massive congrats on that front!)
I had missed your funny, witty posts and reading the heartbreaking post above is like reading something written by someone completely different to the online persona we all know and love.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and doing your bit to raise awareness on the topic of PND, I can only imagine how difficult it was for you and hope it was cathartic in some way.
I’m sure now the fog has lifted it’s clear for you to see how fortunate you were to have sought help so quickly and had an amazing support network to pull you out the other side.
Wishing you all the best for the future, you’re going to be an amazing mum xxx
Niamh
July 20, 2013 at 20:42
It’s absolutely heartbreaking that you had to go through so much in just a few short weeks but let me tell you, you, you are a superstar. For even having the inner resolve to write this. You are a credit to your son and your family
Anon
July 23, 2013 at 18:40
What an emotional read. I am not a mother myself but this still had me in floods of tears.
I am so sorry to hear of your repeated misfortune, particularly losing your Dad.
Your son is absolutely gorgeous, you should be so proud every time you look at him. You are an amazing mother, and a strong capable woman. Regardless of any medicinal situations you may have, eg, labour (or depression) that will never change.
I hope you and your family enjoy many happy years with lovely Sean and that all this suffering becomes a distant memory xx
Lisa | Mama.ie
August 4, 2013 at 08:33
Oh Karen. Just reading this now. I’m so sorry for all that you went through. I’m very sorry about the loss of your father. And sorrier still that you had such a traumatic birth and were so unsupported by the midwife dealing with you. I have no doubt from your post that her attitude contributed to your trauma.
I hope that writing this post helped you. I have no doubt it will help others who find themselves in a similar position.
Congratulations on your adorable son. I wish you great happiness and joy for the rest of his childhood and hope that you can somehow put this awful experience behind you.
When I had my daughter in March, I hated my hospital experience, and was really shaken up after it. I was determined to write a letter of complaint but doing so was harder than I imagined. It took me until this week to write the letter and I found the writing of it very difficult. But now that it is done I must admit I feel I have great closure from it.
office mum
August 4, 2013 at 09:42
Karen, I’m in floods of tears reading this – I have enjoyed your many funny tweets over the months and years and had no idea that this is what you were going through recently.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through the hospital mistreatment that you experienced and so glad that you’re recovering from your PND. As many have said above, you might find in time that writing a letter (or using HSE “your service your say” facility) would help you.
Thank you for sharing this – I am sure it will help other mothers who are feeling alone
Andrea (officemum)
Maud
August 4, 2013 at 15:36
I’m so sorry you had such a horrible experience at the hands of the medical system in Ireland. And I’m very happy to hear that you’ve come through it so well. Thank you for sharing your story.
misebandia
August 4, 2013 at 18:45
Karen that is a very powerful piece of writing. I am disgusted at how you were treated. Your son is beautiful and he will benefit hugely from growing up with such a strong mum. Because you ARE strong, it takes strength to admit you need help, it takes strength to accept help and it took great strength to share your story. Wishing you and you family all the very best.
Helen
August 4, 2013 at 21:16
What a moving story Karen.
The brutal lack of care and support you got during your delivery contrast so much with the proper backup and love you received from family and friends. One response is wholly inadequate, and the other shows that families need time and support to get through tough times.
Well done to you and yours.
Enjoy your son – you deserve the best of times together xx
speccy
August 23, 2013 at 09:54
Thank you for sharing this Karen- equally horrific are the number of responses quoting similar experiences. Ireland valuing mothers, eh? You did well to recognise you needed help so early, to have the strength to ask for it. Sean is such a lucky boy to have you and the family around him.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, your awful treatment and subsequent hospitalisation- too much for anyone to deal with on her own.
Glad to see you on your way back
pineapplepancake
September 19, 2013 at 21:17
What a moving story. Congrats on your beautiful son. Well done to you for being so brave and to your kind considerate caring family. You’re a lucky lady!
Pixie
March 23, 2014 at 00:35
Karen,
I wish you every success in your continued recovery. As a nurse, I am deeply saddened by the traumatic “care” that you received. Yes, the health service is understaffed and underfunded, but there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour, absolutely none. Take care. x
beatingmyselfintoadress
March 23, 2014 at 22:09
Thank you very much, means a lot.