I DON’T feel married.


I said it.

I know I AM married, that I know for sure. I have the photos and the sparkly wedding ring to prove it.

And the husband, I suppose.

“How’s married life treating ya,” people ask me regularly, grinning and nodding at me in a jocular fashion.

“Very oddly. Married life is very odd indeed,” is surprisingly not the answer most people are expecting.

It is most disconcerting to wake up one morning and suddenly have a husband. Despite the years we’ve been together and the many years we planned this wedding, it still felt very sudden.

I have a husband. That’s him there, on the right, in the photo above.

He will be the father of my children. He’s legally my next of kin. He has a say in whether or not my organs are donated. How’s that for romance?

But I still don’t feel married.

I don’t know what I was expecting. Of course, I’m happy. Blissfully so.

Then, I was happy before the wedding. Blissfully so.

I feel very secure in my relationship, but I’ve felt secure since our second date.

I get butterflies when I see him walking toward me, but I’ve always felt those flutters of excitement.

How are you supposed to feel? See – that’s the thing, nobody tells you how you’re supposed to feel.

Personally, I blame Hollywood.

There are plenty of movies out there about meeting The One, you know, boy meets girl, girl loves boy, boy’s not so sure, girl gets in a huff and says everything’s ‘fine’ when it’s clearly not, boy cops on, boy and girl live happily ever after.

But what happens after that? There’s plenty of walking off into the sunset, even movies about the actual wedding itself, but the aftermath is rarely shown.

If Twentieth Century Fox doesn’t tell me how to feel, am I really married at all? That is the question.

Is this it?

Is it normal to feel like the wedding day was a dream, like it happened years ago, or perhaps didn’t even happen at all?

Is it normal for life to continue on as usual, exactly the same as before the wedding – just as happy, just as in love, just the same?

Or am I a monster with no soul?

Photo courtesy of the lovely and talented Red Mum http://www.redmum.ie