MOST brides lose weight before their weddings.

Lose weight.

Not me.

I can’t stop eating.

Everything.

Anything.

I don’t care.

I’ve actually gone past caring.

I just can’t stop eating.

I’m not on any diet, I’m not following any healthy eating plan, I’m not even just eating sensibly.

I’m just eating.

I blame the dress woman and to a certain extent, The Dress itself.

It’s boned and corseted to within an inch of its life.

It pulls me in good-oh, creates an hour-glass shape and the full skirt hides my, frankly, gigantic thighs and ass.

Of course I’m still fat in it, because I AM fat, but it looks good.

“Look at your waist in that,” the dress woman exclaimed when I expressed a fear that I looked enormous “it’s tiny.”

She pulled the strings of the corset tighter and I realised she was right.

Obviously, not tiny, never tiny. But there. A waist. In and out.

So where’s my motivation?

I stood in Tesco mulling this over earlier, wondering if I should reign myself in.

The woman on the checkout beeped through my all-butter croissant, my can of Coke, my half pound of real butter, my sausages and then finally my bridal magazine.

She looked at me, a question flitting across her eyes.

Most brides lose weight before their weddings, right?

I packed my bag in a huff and stormed home, kicking stones and cursing the world, getting myself worked up.

Then I thought of the delicious croissant nestling delicately in my bag, and I brightened.

*Note – that’s not me in the picture above!

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