THERE are many things that annoy me – here are just some of them:

The gombeen in Tesco working behind the meat counter who left me waiting for seven full minutes before coming out and mumbling ‘Me scale is broke. I can’t sell an’thin’ cos me scale is broke’. He then looked at me with his mouth hanging open, exposing his terrible yellow teeth, and snorted a gob of phlegm back down his throat. I actually feel like I had a lucky escape!

The self-service till, also in Tesco. Please place the item in the bagging area. Oh God. The item IS in the bagging area. Please place the item in the bagging area. Mother of all that is Holy. The item is IN THE BAGGING AREA. Please place the item in the… BEEP… Unexpected item in the bagging area. Please remove the item from the bagging area or select own bag. Ok then, own FUCKING bag. Please wait for assistance. Please wait for assistance. Please wait for assistance. Unexpected item on the belt. Please remove bag from the bagging area, fashion into a noose and strangle yourself. Express Checkout my arse!

The hugely annoying lady who followed me all the way up the road from Tesco, directly on my heels. I could feel her breath on my neck. Why do people do this? Even when I slowed right down she didn’t overtake me, just continued to walk right up my ass. I had my niece with me in her buggy and shopping on the arm of the buggy so we weren’t flying up the road, she could have overtaken us easily but she chose not to. Next time I’m going to turn around and punch her. Right in the face. And then keep walking.

The fact that there’s nothing on television anymore. I’m unemployed. Doesn’t the universe, and ergo television producers, know this? Desperate Housewives on a Tuesday and The Event on a Friday apart, there is literally nothing on. How am I supposed to fill the lonely bleak hours of unemployment? How?

The low pressure system currently hovering over Ireland. I’ve had a migraine since Sunday. Hurricane bloody Thomas has a lot to answer for. The bones in my face ache. I literally have a pain in my face.