I SOMETIMES wonder if things are going to change when I become a wife.
Will I have to wear an apron? (Of course, I’d have to bloody buy one first!)
Cut my hair?
Wear clothes from old lady stores, all pastel florals and crackling nylon.
Will I stop being me? And just become A Wife instead?
I’m not sure if I’m going to be any good at it. I’m terribly lazy. And a bit moany. I like to sleep late and conveniently ignore the ever growing pile of dishes beside the sink.
I’d rather pull out my own fingernails with a rusty pliers than iron anything. Ditto hoovering.
I’m incredibly selfish and like to think that no-one’s problems are as big as my own. I like to be the one receiving the comfort, not doling it out.
And what about Yer Man – will he suddenly stop being him and morph into My Husband?
When I’m talking to people, will I have to say ‘My Husband likes football’ instead of using his name?
Will he start wearing slippers and expect me to have them ready for him in the evening?
Will he roll his eyes and complain about me to his mates, accusing me of always being on his back?
When we got engaged we did feel a subtle shift in our relationship. Nothing was said, there was no big conversation, but it was there nonetheless.
I felt more secure. This was it. This man wanted to marry me, to make a life with me, and I him. It made no sense as before the engagement I felt secure with him, I wanted to make a life with him, wedding ring or no wedding ring. But when he got up off bended knee, the change had happened.
Can I expect the same when he slides the thin gold band on my finger next April?
At our pre-marriage course they asked us to list out what we expected from our husbands and wives.
The ladies, I think took it a little more seriously, as the men came up with suggestions such as ‘large breasted’ and ‘mute’ but all joking aside, when we got down to it the same underlying expectations were there – faithfulness, kindness, loving.
We were then asked to list out what we would not expect from our husbands and wives, things we did not want to see in our relationships.
Infidelity, laziness, nagging.
The facilitator stuck both lists on the wall and told us that when we made our vows on the day of our wedding we were promising to take each other in all of these circumstances. When we were loving and equally when we were lazy. When we were kind and when we nagged. When we were faithful and when there was infidelity. For better, for worse.
It’s pretty daunting, isn’t it?
Maybe that’s what will change. The acceptance of for better for worse. Acknowledging that it’s not all about me, that now there is someone else to consider.
Or maybe I’ll just start calling him Darling.
What about you – do you feel different now that you’re a wife, or are you expecting to feel different after the big day?