The following things have annoyed me today:

The biatch on the Luas sitting opposite me who had her long horse legs crossed obnoxiously in front of her completely taking up my seat’s leg room AND had her bag stashed under MY seat and DIDN’T MOVE IT when I sat down. Sit up straight, biatch, knees together, that’s right, legs tucked under YOUR OWN FUCKING CHAIR and put your bag on your lap or down by the side of YOUR OWN FUCKING CHAIR. It’s only polite. If you want to sprawl out with your belongings everywhere, stay at home. Don’t be a stupid cow all your life, uhm kay? I swear to God, the urge to do a Sharon Curley from The Slapper and viciously kick her ankles all the while saying ‘oh Jesus, sorry’ in a sarcastic tone of voice was IMMENSE. I don’t know how I resisted.

The fucker at the Hueston Luas stop who for some reason snuck and slunk and ducked and dived his way to standing directly behind me while we were waiting on the tram. Seriously, I could feel his breath on my neck. Why stand there? Seriously, I’m standing in front of the bench there, directly in front of it, there’s about a foot of room between me and the bench and you inveigle your way between me and the bench? Into that foot of space? Why? It wasn’t raining, it was a find sunny morning, if a bit chilly. Did you want me to act as a wind breaker or something – I mean I’m not skinny but come on! Did you want to sit down? Again, why stand there in that exact spot, practically on my lip, when there was a whole empty bench beside me that you could have sat on or stood in front of. Why man, why?

The piece of popcorn now stuck in my lower right side molar. It’s juuuust out of reach of my tongue and driving me crazy.

Red nail polish. Right, I’ll admit it, I’m a lazy fucker and haven’t done my nails in a week and they’re now chipped good-oh and make me look like a mighty skank. I just couldn’t summon the energy to do them last night and I’m regretting it now because everytime I look down I see them in all their shameful, peeling glory.

The bottle of water I’m drinking. I don’t want water. I want Coke. Right now. Full fat, full sugar, sweet, fizzy, ice-cold, life giving Coke!